[He really is saying too much. He'll have to make it up to Dazai later. Not Fyodor, though, he's still pissed at Fyodor.
He leans back against the ledge almost immediately after getting up, like he can't decide what to do with himself, hands in his pockets, looking restless despite standing completely still for the moment. This is the worst possible situation, because it feels like everything hinges on coming up with exactly the right answer, right now. He doesn't know what the fuck he can offer that he hasn't already.]
Exhausting you isn't hard.
[Just saying.]
Pretty sure the two of you can figure out a way to challenge each other, if that's what you want.
[What can Dazai offer, here - self-development and the chance of finding peace on the side of good? That's laughable, even to him. Perhaps he's underestimated just how much Fyodor needs to be kept busy, though: it's been a little different for himself, either through circumstances or through differences in personality, and he's come to welcome periods of "boredom" between his regular stints of trying to save the world. He's got plenty of fun hobbies anyway, like making Kunikida's life as difficult as possible.
But then, Dazai chose his current life, and Fyodor did not. Dazai had also basically exhausted all options of his previous life - well, all but one rather unattractive option - before discarding it for another, making for an even less comparable situation.]
I can't tell you what you might want more. [He doesn't think it's up to him to decide that, either. Wouldn't that be just as entrapping as Fyodor's current circumstances?] But I'm willing to help you find it.
[There's bound to be something. He refuses to believe that Fyodor can't have a life beyond destroying the book. Gently, Dazai takes the hand that Fyodor just mutilated once again, and strokes his thumb over it.]
[ fyodor considers dazai's words, and the touch of his hand and dips his head in acknowledgement. none of this had been fyodor's choice and that is perhaps why he also cannot accept them entirely; he's not someone who is desperate for human contact, even though he has grown to cherish it. he also isn't someone who likes being idle, he needs purpose and that isn't going to happen as long as he is here. ]
I want to leave Yokohama for a while. As long as I'm still here, with the book so close—[ he shrugs, takes the chance to briefly squeeze dazai's fingers. ] It is difficult for me to look past it. [ his life isn't all here, he didn't grow up in this city, it isn't his native language and— ]
I don't expect either of you to come but I do want you to trust that I will return as per our agreement.
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no subject
He leans back against the ledge almost immediately after getting up, like he can't decide what to do with himself, hands in his pockets, looking restless despite standing completely still for the moment. This is the worst possible situation, because it feels like everything hinges on coming up with exactly the right answer, right now. He doesn't know what the fuck he can offer that he hasn't already.]
Exhausting you isn't hard.
[Just saying.]
Pretty sure the two of you can figure out a way to challenge each other, if that's what you want.
no subject
But then, Dazai chose his current life, and Fyodor did not. Dazai had also basically exhausted all options of his previous life - well, all but one rather unattractive option - before discarding it for another, making for an even less comparable situation.]
I can't tell you what you might want more. [He doesn't think it's up to him to decide that, either. Wouldn't that be just as entrapping as Fyodor's current circumstances?] But I'm willing to help you find it.
[There's bound to be something. He refuses to believe that Fyodor can't have a life beyond destroying the book. Gently, Dazai takes the hand that Fyodor just mutilated once again, and strokes his thumb over it.]
no subject
I want to leave Yokohama for a while. As long as I'm still here, with the book so close—[ he shrugs, takes the chance to briefly squeeze dazai's fingers. ] It is difficult for me to look past it. [ his life isn't all here, he didn't grow up in this city, it isn't his native language and— ]
I don't expect either of you to come but I do want you to trust that I will return as per our agreement.