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now we’re swallowing the shine of the summer
[Chuuya turned into the alley just in time to see Dazai fall over, a man with a bat standing over him. There were a few more people standing around, too - who the hell had his ex-partner pissed off now, Chuuya wondered. And how the hell had they managed to get the better of him. Dazai might be a shitty fighter, but he always had a plan.
Chuuya was already kicking one of the men into a wall when he remembered that Dazai's plan was often him.
If t was, he was going to kill him, he decided. They weren't partners anymore, after all. But it might just be a coincidence, too. This wasn't Port Mafia territory. Dazai probably hadn't known he'd be in the area. But if he'd got himself caught up in some thugs' business without a plan, then Chuuya was really going to kill him.
The last of the men went down, and Chuuya hurried over to check on Dazai. He crouched down next to him, gently patted his face, then pinched his nose for a few seconds to see if he really was passed out, or just being lazy. No reaction. He had a few scratches, some bleeding. One of the wounds looked bad, but it wasn't life threatening - it just needed to be cleaned and bandaged, or he'd almost definitely get an infection.
Alright, so. What the hell did he do?
Most people would bring him to the hospital, but Chuuya wasn't most people. He was mafia. And he knew Dazai valued his privacy, too. He could bring him to that pet agency of his, but the thought of doing that for Dazai made his skin crawl. Besides, he couldn't let word get out that he'd carried a traitor to safety. He could leave Dazai here. But then Dazai wouldn't know Chuuya had helped him, and he really wanted a chance to rub that in the asshole's face.
— He could bring him home.
It felt weird. It was something he would have done when they were partners. But it was only because he wanted to annoy him, not because he actually cared that he was hurt. Still, Chuuya hesitated a bit. He brushed Dazai's hair back, just to check his scalp for any other injuries. Yeah, he'd bring him home. He couldn't wait to see Dazai's face when he realized who had saved his sorry ass.
Carefully, Chuuya shifted Dazai around, pulling him up slightly by the arms, and then leveraged his weight onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry. Then he set off in the direction of his apartment. ]
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[Shame? What is shame? It's a pointless social construct that Dazai has no need for on a good day - and good days don't exist, so there!]
With or without food, coffee is the ultimate breakfast.
[And with the amount of sugar he put in there, it practically counts as a meal - not that he shouldn't get to actual food soon.]
And of course I left... [It comes out a little too serious, the sentiment left hanging in preparation for what can only be an explanation.] ... I was sick of seeing your face all the time!
[Or Dazai could be a dick instead. Seems legit.]
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Although Chuuya really isn’t very happy about that last part.
Because he spent four years wondering why Dazai left. He has some of the pieces, but not all, and there’s only one person who can actually answer all of his questions. Unfortunately, he’s also the least likely of all to actually explain anything.
There’s a moment of hope. Actual hope. And then he quickly deflates again, angry with himself more than Dazai.]
I celebrated after you left. [No, he hadn't, he'd tried to look for Dazai, because he'd been worried.] I went out every night for a week straight, buying people rounds to make sure there was a proper party.
[Well. He had spent a lot of time drunk. ]
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That's where hope gets you, Chuuya. If you keep not realizing that, you will keep suffering - and Dazai gets to laugh at you instead of at himself. Sounds like a good deal, if you ask him. He's even polite enough not to laugh out loud all the time.]
If you were drinking that much, I don't suppose you missed your car much... What a shame.
[Can you tell Dazai is feeling better? Aren't you happy at your great nursing skills
and cuddles?!]If you're that glad to be rid of me, you shouldn't have taken me into your home, Chuuya. [Calling your bullshit.] Who knows when I'll have recovered enough to leave?
[He can leave soon. He just doesn't want to, now.
Or does he?]
Of course, I'd recover more quickly if you'd give me a sandwich.
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He must be a real masochist.
But he's grumpy now. Dazai doesn't have to be a dick, but if he's going to be, Chuuya can be one back. He doesn't answer for a moment, because he's busy eating his delicious sandwich. Which Dazai can't have. Because he needs to eat his rice like a good boy. ]
I bought a better car. Why would I miss that old one?
[He'd been really upset. But he hadn't known it was Dazai at the time. Thinking back, though - Mori would have known, he just hadn't said anything. Instead Chuuya ended up having to be on guard for a while, thinking a rival organization was targeting him.
As if something like that could even scratch him.]
I told you. I'm doing this so you'll owe me a favor.
[Bullshit. Chuuya would be too proud to cash in that favor anyway.]
Eat your rice and you can have a sandwich.
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Unfortunately, Dazai is stubborn in his own way, too, which doesn't make for the best combination.]
I don't want to eat rice. Not unless Chuuya wants to make me some okayu?
[Yeaaah, Dazai isn't expecting that to happen. But he'll keep lobbying for his sandwich, dammit! Even apart from that: eating both a sandwich and the onigiri is too much for him. He doesn't want to barf again.]
As long as you're racking up favors, you may as well really cash in with some home cooking.
[Except Chuuya's cooking can probably kill a man. But hey, Dazai (being Dazai) will take that risk.
Having finished his coffee, he puts the cup away and holds out his hand towards Chuuya. Sandwich, please!]
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[That’s a victory. Really, that’s all he needs, the pleasure of occasionally winning against the asshole who refuses to ever lose. And for that - and to make him shut up about making Chuuya cook for him - he grabs the other sandwich, handing it over. With as much as Dazai is complaining, he has to be feeling better.
Which means he’ll probably leave soon. Chuuya doesn’t really want him to. ]
I’m saving that favor, so you’ll have to live with the fact that you owe your ex-partner something.
[So don’t you dare die on him, Dazai. ]
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[Favors are for home cooking only! And will be cheerfully forgotten even then. Still, Dazai doesn't say he doesn't owe Chuuya a favor, either. If that's mostly because he could care less about favors in general, it's still better than actively denying Chuuya his favor, probably.]
Yes, yes... I now owe you one slightly stale sandwich. I hope that makes you happy.
[Not that this sandwich is stale, but that's beside the point.
He starts eating, and his stomach is immediately eager for the food all right. He really is doing much better - as long as he doesn't have to move too much.]
You know, this is a complication for yourself more than anyone. You can't kill me until I've repaid the favor, right?
[And Chuuya is soooo intent on killing him all the time! Just look at what they're doing right now!
It's kind of nice, though. Sometimes Dazai thinks that Chuuya is the only person who wants him dead more than he wants to die, himself. They have that in common!]
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[For all the times Chuuya has saved his ass. For all the times Dazai has stolen his food. For all the times Dazai passed out on his couch, or played mario kart on his nintendo. For all the times Chuuya put up with him.
All the times Dazai saved him, or did anything for him, don't count. Obviously.
He finishes his own sandwich, and then, because being made of compact muscle means he needs a lot of food, he grabs Dazai's discarded onigiri as well. Maybe he should have ordered more, but he'd been worried that anything with a strong smell would just make Dazai throw up. It's what he gets for being considerate to someone who doesn't even deserve it.]
You could repay the favor by letting me kill you. Painfully.
[Obviously that's still Chuuya's goal. He has no clue why anyone would ever doubt that.
Although there are times when he honestly wishes he could just end this. Rip Dazai's head off and be done with it. It would be easier. It would solve so many of his problems, past, current and future.
But instead they just keep ending up here.]
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Or that's how it was, not so long ago. Little by little, Dazai supposes his new life has grown on him a little, in spite of his best intentions. It honestly just makes everything harder.
If Odasaku were still here, what would he think about Dazai's "good" life?]
If that was your intention, you shouldn't have brought me here and patched me up.
Or at least you shouldn't have given me painkillers.
[He smiles angelically - for no reason in particular, of course! He wouldn't dare reference his overdosing adventure! That would be rude.]
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[Sure, that's what it is. He's just getting Dazai better again so that he can kill him when he's at a hundred percent. Proving that he can handle Dazai. Proving that he can take him on his own.
He really has a lot of excuses and explanations, but he actually half buys them himself.
This will be the last time. This is when he moves on from this partnership.]
Where did you leave the painkillers?
[He can't see them anywhere. Not that Dazai can overdose on these, but he feels like he should make sure, anyway.]
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But until then, he supposes they'll keep meeting like this. And, much like Chuuya, he has his own reasons for not killing Chuuya and getting it over with - notably not wanting Chuuya to die first.]
Over there.
[He nudges his head at the night stand - and immediately regrets it, wincing a little in spite of himself. Then again, it could also be a diversion, the box of pills empty since he hid the strip behind his pillow. Or maybe the pain is just a convenient truth.]
If you can even call them painkillers... I don't imagine they do more than briefly kick pain in the shins.
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Giving yourself heartburn after all?
[Did you think he'd freak out again, Dazai? He knows those won't kill you, not unless you take a lot more than what one box contains.]
If you'd let me call a doctor last night, you'd have stronger pills. Except I would have had to lock them in my safe.
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You say that as if I couldn't get in your safe, Chuuya.
[That may or may not be deliberately missing the point, but he has one of his own to make.]
A doctor would have been a terrible idea. Surely even you realize that much?
[If word about this got out, Chuuya would be executed - and, if it spread fast enough, Dazai would have been caught in Chuuya's apartment and killed, too. Chuuya is allowed to get himself killed if he insists, but Dazai is still waiting for a beautiful woman to die with!
Honestly, he saved Chuuya's life more than Chuuya had saved his, with all this.]
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[Unfortunately for Dazai, Chuuya's safe isn't within reach of his bed. Although he knows that if Dazai was determined enough, he'd find a way. He gave up on Dazai-proofing anything a long time ago - he'd only take it as a challenge if he tried.
And unfortunately for Chuuya, Dazai has a point. Harboring a traitor doesn't look good, even if it's a traitor Mori wants back. He might be able to play that card, but--
There are other factors. Even his boss has to protect appearances at times.
But still. Chuuya is pretty sure he could protect the both of them if he had to, and he wasn't about to let Dazai just die. He hated him too much for that.
Although he wouldn't be willing to leave the mafia, either. Not ever. So he's not sure what his next step would have been.]
Then you really would have owed me.
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Chuuya should probably replace the bandages at some point. For that matter: Dazai should probably shower to clean himself up some. But he doesn't feel like doing that much just yet.]
On the contrary, it's the other way around. I wouldn't owe you for putting my life in danger.
[Even if Chuuya did save it again right after. That doesn't count if you're the one who summoned the death threat to start!]
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[That's only fair? Even if it wouldn't have been the suicide attempt that nearly killed him. And it wasn't really a suicide attempt, because Dazai would have known those pills weren't enough. That bastard knew more than anyone about how to successfully take your own life.
And then he turned it into a damn joke to fuck with people.
Chuuya's mood has soured again, thinking about how he was risking his position in the mafia for a traitor. He'd know that, of course, he wasn't stupid. But he didn't need Dazai to rub it in.
And Dazai wasn't even worth it, so why was he doing this?]
Pass me your cup if it's empty. I'll clean up.
[He'd get out of bed, needing five minutes to brood by himself, and cleaning up after breakfast was a good excuse.]
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But not right now. With food in his stomach and a body trying to heal, he's feeling pretty tired again.
With Chuuya leaving the room for a while, though, Dazai has to take the opportunity to try what his body can and can't do. He can't stay here forever, even apart from the fact that Chuuya would eventually kill him. That being the case, he should confirm whether leaving (with or without saying as much) is an option.
Unfortunately, it's not as easy as all that. While Dazai uses Chuuya's absence to see how much he can move, he just barely manages to sit on the edge of the bed, and that opens up at least one of his wounds. Great.
He can't even be bothered to lie back down again, considering that that will only do more damage, so that's how Chuuya will find him: sitting on the edge of the bed.]
... I have to go to the bathroom.
[A likely excuse!]
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Only to come back to Dazai being an idiot. Again.
Back to normal, then.
(Dazai clearly having made the wrong call in sitting up does make him feel a bit better again, though, even if he's also worried.)
Chuuya sighs, and walks over. He's not going to carry Dazai again unless he has to, so he grabs one of his arms and pulls it across his shoulders, so he can support his weight. He's fully aware he'll probably be dragging him the whole way into the bathroom.]
You could have called for me.
[He would have come, and then Dazai wouldn't be where he is now. Chuuya would have helped him up. There wouldn't be a circle of blood spreading inside one of the bandages.
He would have had to change that anyway.]
Are you going to be an idiot every time I leave your sight?
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Nothing about Dazai is ever good.]
You were busy cleaning up!
[Not that that would have stopped Dazai under literally any other circumstances, but he can argue-for-the-sake-of-arguing as much as anyone. Looks like he isn't sneaking out and leaving Chuuya wondering where the hell he is anytime soon. Too bad.]
It was worth checking to see how much I could move. I can't stay in your bed forever, Chuuya.
Besides, your bedside manner is atrocious.
[Or it could be that Dazai is the patient from hell. Could be that.
Dazai is regretting his life choices either way, slow to limp along, and leaning heavily on Chuuya. That much, of course, could be an act, but the way color has drained from his face by the time they reach the bathroom is hardly something he can fake.]
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He considers him for a second. This is too familiar.]
If you want to leave, I won't stop you. I'll throw you into a cab myself.
[He's used to Dazai leaving. He expects nothing less.]
But if you don't stop being an idiot, I'll start thinking it's because you want me sticking close to stop you.
[And he knows that's not it. He also knows it's the last thing Dazai would want anyone to think. Chuuya shifts Dazai a little closer, so he can support him better.]
Sit on the toilet. I'll change your bandages after you're done.
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He smirks in spite of the pain, an odd self-mocking quality to it. He's definitely not "being an idiot" because he wants Chuuya close - and yet... isn't doing it to annoy Chuuya almost the same thing?
But then, why is Chuuya one of the few people he never tires of bullying?]
Being an idiot is a matter of perspective.
[That's all he says in the end, a simple and yet fairly quiet denial. Let Chuuya think (using the term loosely) what he wants. Dazai can't stop him anyway, and there's no point in putting in the effort.
At least he does what he's been told - the surest sign yet of how great he isn't doing - sitting on the toilet without complaining. He looks down at the mess of his new injuries, a little sulky. Okay, maybe he could have calculated that risk a little better...]
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[It's always a little worrying when Dazai actually listens to him. The weak comeback is even more concerning. Chuuya doesn't comment on it, though, just starts removing the bandages again, checking on the injuries. He grabs a fresh bandage to put some pressure where Dazai's started bleeding again.
At least it's not bleeding enough to be actually dangerous.]
You can stay until you're able to move without hurting yourself.
[Said a little softly, mostly because he hates revealing the actual affection he feels for this man. This obnoxious asshole of a useless man. Really, Chuuya would even let him stay longer.]
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You of all people should know that I'm anything but a masochist.
[That's probably not entirely true. True sadism is too boring to him, too, and too much work besides. But a masochist? Only in how he stays alive, perhaps - and he can't say he enjoys that particular torture.
It's not really a surprise that Chuuya is willing to let him stay, and yet... somehow it actually makes Dazai feel something, just faintly. Pain does strange things to your head, after all... He can't even bring himself to cut down Chuuya's feelings the way he usually does.
But he's not stupid enough to do or say something he may regret later, either. It's one thing to be grateful; it's another to come out and say it.]
... I'll need to contact the Agency. Do you have a secure line I can use?
[He doesn't know if his phone survived the trip here, but it would be a bad idea to turn on the signal from Mafia Central™, anyway.]
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[It's possible to be a sadist in some situations (with Chuuya), and a masochist in others. And sometimes this dimwit he used to call his partner definitely makes him wonder.
He's going to have to get more bandages soon. He has enough for now, but at this rate he'll definitely run sooner rather than later. It might be safe to leave Dazai to pick some up, if he's quick, or he can call for another delivery. And he can worry about that later.]
I have an unregistered foreign phone. Unused.
[He's not sure if he should be surprised that Dazai agrees to stay. It definitely makes him a little happy. His ex-partner still trusts him, is still willing to rely on him. It doesn't mean much, but it's something.
Or maybe he's being foolish.]
Do you want to clean up in the shower?
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Yet here they are, not for the first time. He just can't seem to get rid of the guy.]
That seems like overkill, but I'll take it.
[Better safe than sorry, in this case. Even if it's probably more important for Chuuya than for Dazai himself.
It's still important for Dazai, too. If not, clearly he wouldn't have done it.
He sighs. Showering seems like the most exhausting and painful thing in the world right about now, but he's already in the bathroom, and getting clean is important, too.]
Yes, let's.
[He's the most enthusiastic, honestly. Just look at how much he loves this.
But he does it anyway, getting up to wander over to the shower area. Maybe he can just sit on the edge of the bath? That seems swell - as long as he doesn't slip off.]
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