indensity | now we’re swallowing the shine of the summer

now we’re swallowing the shine of the summer

[Chuuya turned into the alley just in time to see Dazai fall over, a man with a bat standing over him. There were a few more people standing around, too - who the hell had his ex-partner pissed off now, Chuuya wondered. And how the hell had they managed to get the better of him. Dazai might be a shitty fighter, but he always had a plan.

Chuuya was already kicking one of the men into a wall when he remembered that Dazai's plan was often him.

If t was, he was going to kill him, he decided. They weren't partners anymore, after all. But it might just be a coincidence, too. This wasn't Port Mafia territory. Dazai probably hadn't known he'd be in the area. But if he'd got himself caught up in some thugs' business without a plan, then Chuuya was really going to kill him.

The last of the men went down, and Chuuya hurried over to check on Dazai. He crouched down next to him, gently patted his face, then pinched his nose for a few seconds to see if he really was passed out, or just being lazy. No reaction. He had a few scratches, some bleeding. One of the wounds looked bad, but it wasn't life threatening - it just needed to be cleaned and bandaged, or he'd almost definitely get an infection.

Alright, so. What the hell did he do?

Most people would bring him to the hospital, but Chuuya wasn't most people. He was mafia. And he knew Dazai valued his privacy, too. He could bring him to that pet agency of his, but the thought of doing that for Dazai made his skin crawl. Besides, he couldn't let word get out that he'd carried a traitor to safety. He could leave Dazai here. But then Dazai wouldn't know Chuuya had helped him, and he really wanted a chance to rub that in the asshole's face.

— He could bring him home.

It felt weird. It was something he would have done when they were partners. But it was only because he wanted to annoy him, not because he actually cared that he was hurt. Still, Chuuya hesitated a bit. He brushed Dazai's hair back, just to check his scalp for any other injuries. Yeah, he'd bring him home. He couldn't wait to see Dazai's face when he realized who had saved his sorry ass.

Carefully, Chuuya shifted Dazai around, pulling him up slightly by the arms, and then leveraged his weight onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry. Then he set off in the direction of his apartment. ]

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[Chuuya doesn’t want to move, either. He wants to hold onto Dazai for this moment, while he has him. He’s also worried that the second he gets up, Dazai is going to do something else to nearly get himself killed.

But this isn’t about what Chuuya wants. It’s about doing his job - about taking care of him, since he decided to bring him home. He sighs. ]

Can you eat anything?

[He’s thinking - maybe plain rice? But he might need to get some painkillers in him first, or he’ll just throw up. But that’s a problem, with the nearest pharmacy ten minutes away.

He’ll have to pay someone to deliver, but Dazai might not let him.]

I’ll make us coffee.

[He’ll get up in a second.]

I could, but I can't say I have an appetite.

[He should definitely eat, especially considering his injuries that all need energy and building blocks to stitch themselves back together. He's not especially hungry, though. The headache probably accounts for that - plus he's never had the most healthy hunger sensation.

He also feels worn out enough that he probably won't try anything funny - but then, who knows? It's Dazai, after all, and opportunities exist to be taken advantage of.

Maybe when he's feeling a little better, though.]

... You're not moving.

[Neither is Dazai. Dazai doesn't even want Chuuya to move all that much, but then, coffee sure sounds good...

The struggle, it is real. For now, Dazai continues to be floppy and vaguely clingy on top of Chuuya.]

You're heavy.

[No one believes that Chuuya isn't strong enough to push Dazai off of him, so that's a terrible excuse. It really is a dilemma, though. He's comfortable, Dazai is comfortable, and he doesn't want to let him out of his sight if he can help it.

And maybe he shouldn't take advantage of this, but he can't really resist, either. So that's it.

He reached for his nightstand, and tries not to jolt Dazai too much at the same time. It probably wasn't safe to leave his phone there, but - Dazai probably wouldn't be up to hacking into it and doing something to it, or digging through Chuuya's files. Maybe. Anyway, that's always a risk.

And the thing about being an executive is: You start to figure out how much you can actually get away with. He calls up a coffee shop (they don't do delivery), and says that if they bring two coffees, a few sandwiches, some plain rice onigiri, and some painkillers, he will absolutely make it worth their while. Most of these things are not something they actually sell, but they shouldn't be busy at this time, they have time to pick it all up.

And look, Dazai, he didn't get one of his subordinates to do it. Your privacy is safe. Although that does mean the painkillers won't be prescription strength.]

They'll get here soon. I'll make sure no one knows you're here while you're weak.

You're not one to talk, Chuuya.

[Who exactly is the heavy one here, hmm? Even disregarding abilities, if you count by centimeter, Chuuya is much heavier. (Too much muscle. It's honestly rude.)

Well, well... Chuuya has gotten a little smarter, after all. Dazai would appreciate the gesture, if he wasn't having a pretty good time being flopped down on top of Chuuya. If one ignores the pain, of course.

Really, he can only smile at that comment.]

That is appreciated.

[His tone suggests the words may be sarcastic; the truth might be that he just doesn't care. There are very few people he minds seeing him like this, because most people are honestly no match for him, and the others will just overestimate their ability to take advantage of his (temporary and largely physical) weakness.]

Hng, I don't want to moooooove...

[He doesn't technically have to, but since Chuuya has to, Dazai will have to as well. And maybe exaggerated whining is just a nice way to let out his frustration at the pain and what not.]

You're the one who's on top.

[You could gain muscle, too, Dazai! All you'd have to do would be to exercise regularly. Or at least semi-regularly. Or at all. And pulling yourself out of unfortunate situations doesn't count.

Chuuya ignores the sarcasm, for once. He has a feeling Dazai wouldn't be very happy if someone found out he was there, and spread the word to Mori.

And Chuuya also selfishly wants to keep his ex-partner to himself. He can feel guilty about that later.]

I'm not making you move. Stop whining.

[To be fair, Dazai has a good reason to whine. But the two of them are never fair with each other.

Chuuya slides his hand up to gently rub the base of Dazai's skull, below where he wrapped the bandages.]

This is what you get for not saving any painkillers for later.

[Exercise?! That's way too much effort. Besides, Dazai likes to save his energy for when he needs it. It's done well enough for him so far, whereas the exhaustion and braindeath from exercise might literally get him killed. Painfully.

No, he'd much rather stay the way he is, thanks.]

You'll make me move when you have to get the door, right?

[Just saying, Chuu. Unlike you, Dazai actually thinks ahead more than ten seconds.

The rubbing is kind of nice, though. Actually, it's really nice, and Dazai finds himself humming a bit, almost like a purring cat. He probably shouldn't let himself, but... at this point, what damage could it do?]

Since it resulted in coffee being delivered, it was clearly the right choice.

[Not really, but he has no regrets, coffee or no coffee. Apart from the headache, this isn't altogether terrible - and even painkillers only do so much.]

I'll let you stay in bed, though.

[It's a rare offer! Chuuya usually doesn't allow food or drink in his bed. But he'll have to wash the sheets after this anyway - Dazai got blood on them, for one. But more importantly, Chuuya will have to get the smell of him out of his pillows.

That's not a reminder he'll appreciate after his ex-partner leaves.]

I would have made you coffee anyway. But you seem to like making things worse.

[Just worse in general. For Dazai, for everyone around Dazai, and especially for Chuuya. Although there's not much venom in it right now. He's comfortable. And he's keeping up the massage, since it seems to be helping.]

[Bless our miniature overlord Chuuya and his benevolence!! Dazai hadn't really planned to leave that bed regardless, however. Not until he can literally walk away.]

It's more interesting this way, don't you think?

[Dazai may not agree with that sentiment himself, exactly, but... it's good enough. Besides, he got to pull one over on Chuuya, and he got to see some unexpectedly unexpected moves from Chuuya, if only in the details.

They're really getting older, aren't they? Changing. Dazai kind of hates it, even if he hates predictability more.]

[Bow down before your overlord. Respect and fear him! ]

At least I get to see you suffer. That's always a plus.

[Thats what happens when you disappear for four years, Dazai. People change. Chuuya isn't too happy about that, either, since every little difference is a reminder of what they don't have.

But a lot of things have stayed the same, too. Like Chuuya's inability to stop mom-ing people, asshole ex-partners included. And the way that Dazai sometimes clings even as he's trying to push him away.]

If you try to overdose on the pills this time, I'm kicking you out.

[Nononononononononononononononono HAT MAN~

A reminder of what they don't have... Maybe that is the problem, at that. Dazai wouldn't put it that way, because he'd claim never having had that elusive something in the first place - which is partly true, but mostly a matter of attitude. Even Dazai can't deny the power of nostalgia, and the way it makes people dumb.

Maybe that's why he hates it: he doesn't want to admit how everything halfway decent ends up looking like diamonds in retrospect, because that means admitting that the precious moments in those boring days weren't real - or at least that he looks back on them with rose-tinted glasses.]

"Always"... Don't act like it happens that often, Chuuya!

[It... kind of does, though......]

I won't. If it's something a coffee shop can pick up, it's not going to be strong enough anyway, right? I'd just give myself heartburn.

[Chuuya wouldn't want to admit it, either, but they definitely had something before. It was complicated, a mess, frustrating on the best of days.... but still something.

They'd never been equals in the Organization. They'd never been allowed to be, with the way they'd been pitted against each other as rivals from the start. Dazai has been used to push Chuuya further, and then that had been used to get Dazai off his lazy ass. But they'd also been partners. They trusted each other. And they understood the positions they were both in, if nothing else.

At least that's what Chuuya had thought, then, before Dazai abandoned him without a word. And they definitely had nothing like that now. ]

It happens almost daily. It's the only reason I've ever been willing to put up with you.

[Speaking of: There's the doorbell. Chuuya gently tries to move Dazai down onto the bed, to free himself from the weight of him. Then he disappears to go pock up the coffee, food, and pills. ]

[They definitely had something before; they definitely have something, still. But their rivalry largely lacks the benign, motivational aspects that made it great, now that they're in actual rival organizations. That leaves only the personal connection of their "something" - and that's not something Dazai has ever been any good at. Not that he doesn't wonder, sometimes, what could have been - but what's the point? It wouldn't last.

He tried to get Chuuya to his side, once, with a simple little test of morality. Dazai knows all the ways in which Chuuya is a good person, as well as all the ways in which he's a bad person. Dazai knows he's almost certainly much worse, himself - going by society's norms, anyway - so it really boiled down to whether Chuuya was ready to make the choice to do things like "the side that saves people".

Of course he didn't. And that was that.]

You have some disturbing hobbies, Chuuya...

[And people call Dazai cruel! Honestly!

Dazai grunts in protest (he'd claim it was pain), but only clings to Chuuya for a split second. Ugh... It's time to join the world of the living again. While Chuuya is away, Dazai pushes himself up and turns around so he can sit against the headboard. It hurts, sure - but that's just more reason not to let Chuuya see!

If Chuuya stays away for a really long time, Dazai will try to check out his phone, but honestly? He probably won't have that kind of time just yet. Maybe later. ]

[Thinking about what he once thought they could have had is painful, and Chuuya doesn't deal well with that. Anger is much easier. That, and ignoring it, pretending he doesn't care when he absolutely does.

And then finally exploding, violently.

Currently he's ignoring it, made harder by the fact that Dazai is here, and close, and acting like he doesn't hate him. But he's focusing on other things instead. He's only gone for a couple of minutes, returning once he's paid the delivery person generously, handing Dazai a new pack of pills, with the theory that if he doesn't try to hide them from him, Dazai won't take it as a challenge. He sets the coffee down on the nightstand, drops the bag of food on the bed, and then disappears again with the bucket to clean it out.

He brings it back again, though. Just in case eating triggers more vomiting.]

Start with the onigiri, in case your stomach can't handle it.

[As if Dazai ever listens to anyone. Chuuya gets back into bed, sitting next to him, close but not touching.]

[It's funny how normal all of this still is; how normal Dazai chooses to let it be. But if he's the one to let it be normal, then Chuuya is the one who has to be annoyed about it, surely? The fact that Chuuya created this situation just makes it worse for him.

Yes, that's definitely the only reason why Dazai makes himself at home the way he's doing.

The pills were always safe, but Dazai does indeed avoid another near-overdose. Maybe he exceeds the recommended dose by a teensy bit, but only because these painkillers are weak, and his pain is not. He meant what he said about not wanting to make himself sick with pills, though. (If he still hides the rest of the strip of pills behind a pillow, well, that's only because making Chuuya freak out is fun, if Chuuya should happen to check how many pills Dazai has taken after all. Dazai doesn't expect that to happen just yet, if it happens at all, but there are no downsides to preparing the situation just in case. Worse comes to worst, Chuuya will find the pills after Dazai has left, and be reminded of what he's done.)

Sipping the coffee, Dazai makes a face at it when Chuuya returns.]

This definitely needs more sugar...

[Truly, his life is suffering, you don't understaaaaand!!]

Hmmm, I'm not in the mood for rice. [Yeah, he's just being a dick for the sake of it. He does feel more like a sandwich though - but first, the coffee.] But first: give me some sugar, Chuuya.

[Wink wink nudge nudge.]

[Chuuya rolls his eyes. Of course Dazai has to demand something more. He gets up again, disappearing unto the kitchen to find the sugar. He's got cubes, which is more practical right now anyway, so he fills a small bowl with them before grabbing a couple of tall spoons for stirring.]

Anything else?

[He calls it out, annoyance loud and clear in his voice. And then, because Dazai is exactly the type to ask for something just because: ]

It doesn't matter, because you're not getting it.

[Let him get back into bed with you, Dazai. Surely that's all the sugar you need. ]

[Dazai does indeed open his mouth at that question, with an enthusiasm that is downright concerning in a man like him - but then Chuuya shuts him down before he can even start. Wow, rude. Dazai snaps his mouth shut again, sulking.]

You're a terrible host. If your place was a hotel, I'd leave a devastating review on your website.

[... Actually, shouldn't he just do that anyway? "Chez Chuuya" sounds real enough, surely? And a website is easily made.

Well, he'll just consider that his project while he recovers. Meanwhile, there's a whole bowl of sugar cubes, and if Chuuya lets him, Dazai will cheerfully pick off three or four of them, one by one, to add them to his coffee. It's a small thing, but the act itself manages to make him happy - just because he got Chuuya to bring him the sugar, perhaps.]

[For someone so lazy, Dazai sure is willing to put a lot of effort into annoying people.

It's always satisfying when he can predict Dazai's actions though. And cutting him off before he can be an ass is worth a huge and smug grin as he returns to the bedroom, sitting next to him on the bed again. He adds one sugar cube to his own coffee, and ignores how many Dazai decides to take, because at least he isn't going to overdose on that.]

I bet review sites have you banned for lying.

[He grabs the bag of food, and hands an onigiri over to Dazai, before grabbing a sandwich for himself. The bag, he places on his other side, out of reach.]

Eat slowly.

[Obviously! Even Dazai needs a hobby. Life will always be terrible, but it doesn't have to be boring!]

Not at all? I'll have you know I've built up quite a reputation in that area.

[... Not necessarily a good one, but... someone's got to be infamous for leaving reviews bases on how beautiful the waitstaff is and how likely to commit lovers' suicide they seem.

Still doesn't mean he's lying!

Sulking once more at the onigiri - he doesn't want it! - Dazai leaves it where it is, and focuses on his coffee for now. It honestly tastes divine, which is a good sign in absolutely every way.

He'd try to steal Chuuya's sandwich, but with his injuries, he's unlikely to be fast enough - and while he could put yet more effort into getting his hands on a sandwich somehow, he really can't be bothered just yet. The coffee is good enough for now.]

It's sure been a while since we've had breakfast in bed together, hasn't it?

I bet they try to ban you, but you just make new accounts.

[He can only imagine the kinds of reviews Dazai would leave. Really, he shouldn't be allowed access to the internet at all, at least not unsupervised.

He probably shouldn't be allowed to do anything unsupervised.

Chuuya sips his own coffee. He likes sugar in his as well, but Dazai overdoing the amount of sugar cubes he used makes him want to underdo how many he adds to his own. There needs to be a balance somewhere. He glances at the abandoned onigiri, and makes sure to keep his sandwich a bit further away.]

Of course we haven't had breakfast together. You left. And it doesn't count if you're not eating.

[He will feed it to you, Dazai. Both because you need it, and to make you shut up about things he doesn't want to think about.]

It's not my fault they make it too easy.

[Shame? What is shame? It's a pointless social construct that Dazai has no need for on a good day - and good days don't exist, so there!]

With or without food, coffee is the ultimate breakfast.

[And with the amount of sugar he put in there, it practically counts as a meal - not that he shouldn't get to actual food soon.]

And of course I left... [It comes out a little too serious, the sentiment left hanging in preparation for what can only be an explanation.] ... I was sick of seeing your face all the time!

[Or Dazai could be a dick instead. Seems legit.]

[You’re having a pretty good day right now, Dazai, don’t deny it. Injuries aside, you’re being nursed and cared for and fed and allowed to be lazy. You got cuddles. And you can entertain yourself by being an ass to Chuuya.

Although Chuuya really isn’t very happy about that last part.

Because he spent four years wondering why Dazai left. He has some of the pieces, but not all, and there’s only one person who can actually answer all of his questions. Unfortunately, he’s also the least likely of all to actually explain anything.

There’s a moment of hope. Actual hope. And then he quickly deflates again, angry with himself more than Dazai.]

I celebrated after you left. [No, he hadn't, he'd tried to look for Dazai, because he'd been worried.] I went out every night for a week straight, buying people rounds to make sure there was a proper party.

[Well. He had spent a lot of time drunk. ]

[It's true, but what does he have to gain by admitting a day is pretty good? The moment he lets himself pretend he can have good things is the moment the illusion is ruined and they slip through his fingers. It's part purely childish greediness and the disappointment that inevitably follows when he can't always have more, part intense existential hatred due to being smart enough to realize that there's no meaning to life. You'd think he'd grow over one of the other of those, but instead he's forever mired in that emotional purgatory.

That's where hope gets you, Chuuya. If you keep not realizing that, you will keep suffering - and Dazai gets to laugh at you instead of at himself. Sounds like a good deal, if you ask him. He's even polite enough not to laugh out loud all the time.]

If you were drinking that much, I don't suppose you missed your car much... What a shame.

[Can you tell Dazai is feeling better? Aren't you happy at your great nursing skills ~~and cuddles~~?!]

If you're that glad to be rid of me, you shouldn't have taken me into your home, Chuuya. [Calling your bullshit.] Who knows when I'll have recovered enough to leave?

[He can leave soon. He just doesn't want to, now.
Or does he?]

Of course, I'd recover more quickly if you'd give me a sandwich.

[The thing is: Dazai can have this. Chuuya isn't going anywhere, in spite of how hard Dazai has tried to test him, push him away.

He must be a real masochist.

But he's grumpy now. Dazai doesn't have to be a dick, but if he's going to be, Chuuya can be one back. He doesn't answer for a moment, because he's busy eating his delicious sandwich. Which Dazai can't have. Because he needs to eat his rice like a good boy. ]

I bought a better car. Why would I miss that old one?

[He'd been really upset. But he hadn't known it was Dazai at the time. Thinking back, though - Mori would have known, he just hadn't said anything. Instead Chuuya ended up having to be on guard for a while, thinking a rival organization was targeting him.

As if something like that could even scratch him.]

I told you. I'm doing this so you'll owe me a favor.

[Bullshit. Chuuya would be too proud to cash in that favor anyway.]

Eat your rice and you can have a sandwich.

[That's why they work together, in as much as they do: Chuuya is the only one who both takes Dazai's bullshit and doesn't. No one sane would put up with that asshole - but Chuuya is too stubborn to give up.

Unfortunately, Dazai is stubborn in his own way, too, which doesn't make for the best combination.]

I don't want to eat rice. Not unless Chuuya wants to make me some okayu?

[Yeaaah, Dazai isn't expecting that to happen. But he'll keep lobbying for his sandwich, dammit! Even apart from that: eating both a sandwich and the onigiri is too much for him. He doesn't want to barf again.]

As long as you're racking up favors, you may as well really cash in with some home cooking.

[Except Chuuya's cooking can probably kill a man. But hey, Dazai (being Dazai) will take that risk.

Having finished his coffee, he puts the cup away and holds out his hand towards Chuuya. Sandwich, please!]

So you admit you owe me now?

[That’s a victory. Really, that’s all he needs, the pleasure of occasionally winning against the asshole who refuses to ever lose. And for that - and to make him shut up about making Chuuya cook for him - he grabs the other sandwich, handing it over. With as much as Dazai is complaining, he has to be feeling better.

Which means he’ll probably leave soon. Chuuya doesn’t really want him to. ]

I’m saving that favor, so you’ll have to live with the fact that you owe your ex-partner something.

[So don’t you dare die on him, Dazai. ]

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