indensity | now we’re swallowing the shine of the summer

now we’re swallowing the shine of the summer

[Chuuya turned into the alley just in time to see Dazai fall over, a man with a bat standing over him. There were a few more people standing around, too - who the hell had his ex-partner pissed off now, Chuuya wondered. And how the hell had they managed to get the better of him. Dazai might be a shitty fighter, but he always had a plan.

Chuuya was already kicking one of the men into a wall when he remembered that Dazai's plan was often him.

If t was, he was going to kill him, he decided. They weren't partners anymore, after all. But it might just be a coincidence, too. This wasn't Port Mafia territory. Dazai probably hadn't known he'd be in the area. But if he'd got himself caught up in some thugs' business without a plan, then Chuuya was really going to kill him.

The last of the men went down, and Chuuya hurried over to check on Dazai. He crouched down next to him, gently patted his face, then pinched his nose for a few seconds to see if he really was passed out, or just being lazy. No reaction. He had a few scratches, some bleeding. One of the wounds looked bad, but it wasn't life threatening - it just needed to be cleaned and bandaged, or he'd almost definitely get an infection.

Alright, so. What the hell did he do?

Most people would bring him to the hospital, but Chuuya wasn't most people. He was mafia. And he knew Dazai valued his privacy, too. He could bring him to that pet agency of his, but the thought of doing that for Dazai made his skin crawl. Besides, he couldn't let word get out that he'd carried a traitor to safety. He could leave Dazai here. But then Dazai wouldn't know Chuuya had helped him, and he really wanted a chance to rub that in the asshole's face.

— He could bring him home.

It felt weird. It was something he would have done when they were partners. But it was only because he wanted to annoy him, not because he actually cared that he was hurt. Still, Chuuya hesitated a bit. He brushed Dazai's hair back, just to check his scalp for any other injuries. Yeah, he'd bring him home. He couldn't wait to see Dazai's face when he realized who had saved his sorry ass.

Carefully, Chuuya shifted Dazai around, pulling him up slightly by the arms, and then leveraged his weight onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry. Then he set off in the direction of his apartment. ]

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Except you'd never admit if you were lonely.

[He'd always suspected Dazai needed people, but at this point, he definitely doubted himself. But he wanted to know for sure. That's why he could never quite let Dazai go.

But he didn't hate himself enough to let Dazai rest in his lap.]

You're lucky I'm letting you have pillows at all.

[Chuuya is going to sit on the floor, by the door, watching Dazai sleep. That's what he's going to do.]

[Even if Dazai realized he was lonely (by some definition of the word), what point would there be in saying it? He knew too well how limited the connections between people were, how selfish and conditional. Did realizing this and not lying to himself, the way everyone else seemed happy to do, make him a bad person? It certainly made him less of a person.

He was a bad person for other reasons entirely.]

C'moooon, Chuuyaaaaa...

[Here Dazai was, admitting he was lonely - and this was the response he was getting! Some argument you're making here, Chuu.

Dazai made the effort of looking at Chuuya, tilting his head a little. He was feeling pretty sleepy-horny-cuddly right now.]

I promise I won't try anything. [...] Again.

[Not until he'd slept, anyway.]

[Chuuya has heard exactly zero confessions. Dazai has said the words 'I'm lonely' a grand total of no times, and he's never even admitted he likes Chuuya's company.

But Dazai keeps coming back. It has to mean something.

And Chuuya is lonely, too.]

Hold on.

[He can't exactly lie down in bed in his vest and shirt and bolero and harness, not if he wants to get comfortable. Let him just get changed first, opening his closet to find the softest pyjamas he has, changing right there in front of him. It's nothing Dazai hasn't seen before anyway.]

[Heh, pyjamas. No matter how fancy, the change in outfit makes Chuuya seem vaguely like a young boy (in that way, his style choices for his daily wear are pretty effective in making him look adult in spite of his size!) - but it's also kind of nice, seeing him so unguarded.

And seeing him almost naked. That's pretty nice, too. Personal feelings and teasing aside, even Dazai can't deny that Chuuya is attractive.]

Sometimes I wonder why you bother with clothes at all, you look so much better without.

[... Okay, maybe he's a little loopy because of those pills. It's still a compliment, his gaze too lazy to count as strictly lustful, but with an air of that all the same.]

[That makes Chuuya stop in his tracks for just a moment. At least he's turned away from Dazai at the moment, because he can feel himself starting to blush.]

Shut up. You said you weren't going to try anything.

[And Chuuya had known he was lying, but still. He'd only lasted about five seconds.]

And you just threw up.

[Which means Chuuya isn't going to agree to anything anyway, because Dazai's mouth is going to be disgusting and he doesn't want that anywhere near him. In fact, maybe he should get him a toothbrush.

Actually, he should probably feed him. At the very least, he shouldn't be going along with anything Dazai suggests, no matter how innocuous it might seem.]

I can admire the view without flinging myself into the sun, surely?

[... Given that it's Dazai? Maybe not. At any rate, his promise not to "try anything" only referred to things like stealing pills and/or bullying, which isn't the same as sex at all.

Not that he feels up to sex at the moment, between the pills and his injuries. Le sigh... Well, no promises on that front, regardless.]

I said you should have let me have a drink... [It's faster than tooth brushing! It probably kills bacteria!! Also he'd just never say no to a drink.]

I just want to sleep, Chuuya. Actually sleep together.

[It's hardly all he wants, but he's so tired, he'll gladly settle for it.]

You'd fling yourself into the sun even if you didn't like the view.

[You don't even like him, Dazai. But Chuuya can pretend. And Dazai is actually admitting that he wants Chuuya in bed with him (for sleeping!), and there's no way Chuuya can resist that. His ex-partner so rarely admits anything like that.

Although his ex-partner is fully capable of both lying and manipulating.]

I can get you some moutwash.

[To be carefully controlled by Chuuya so that Dazai only gets one mouthfull, and doesn't try to swallow it. Actually, maybe getting him some alcohol is safer. Or a mint. He can't kill himself with a mint.

He turns off the lights, and goes to close the curtains, leaving the room mostly dark. Then he goes to climb into bed next to him.]

[It's true, Dazai hates Chuuya passionately. How could he not? They're evenly matched, except with very different areas of expertise - and neither of them could hope to match the other in their field. As such, they'll always need each other's talents to reach their full potential - and yet neither of them wants to compromise enough to work together.

Besides, Chuuya has the balls to enjoy his life, and that is just rude.

Dazai can't kill himself with a mint? Is that a challenge?! Remember how far he got with tofu! ... Or not, because Chuuya probably wasn't invited back then, OOPS! Sorry, that party was buraiha only.

Dazai will accept mouth wash, anyway. Maybe he won't even make a fuss about spitting it back out. His esophagus has been tormented enough for one night.

When Chuuya joins him in the bed, Dazai will ignore his injuries to roll over and ever so gently cling to him.]

You're not soft enough for a pillow...

[Yet here he is, clinging to his new favorite not-stuffed toy all the same.]

[And Chuuya hates Dazai because--

No, he doesn't. He hates him for being impossible to hate. He's angry with him. Bitter. He wants to yell at him for wasting his life, for throwing away the people who are letting him in. He wants to beat the crap out of him until he stops being an ass. He wants him to take responsibility, to his subordinates if nothing else. He wants to wring his neck.

Instead he's letting Dazai wrap himself around him.]

Shut up. I could make you sleep on the floor.

[They've always been too similar in some ways, and way too different in all the rest. They've been pitted against each other as rivals from the start. But that, it seems, means they're stuck with each other as well.

But at least Dazai will owe him after this.]

You won't.

[The words come out soft and sleepy enough that they barely even count as provocative. But really, Chuuya has gone this far - and Dazai thinks he knows what to expect from the guy. Just like Chuuya knows that Dazai will never admit to owing him anything.

Of course, the words may have been too soft to be heard regardless of intention, sleep-drunkenly mumbled against the nearest part of Chuuya. Dazai hardly ever sleeps, but right now? He's absolutely exhausted, and will actually sleep like a baby for a few hours, staying close to Chuuya like a chick to a heating lamp.

There's one big downside about this passing of time, shockingly peaceful as it is: eventually, the painkillers wear off, and because Dazai had definitely overindulged on them, it makes the contrast with the pain, when it returns, all the sharper. Before he's even fully awake, he winces - and that just makes him feel everything that much more. His breath hitches, and he opens his eyes, trying to reorient himself.

... Well, he supposes it was too wild for a dream.]

[Chuuya is a light sleeper at the best of times. His position within the mafia rarely allows for anything resembling 'time off,' and sometimes he has to go straight from bed to work without time for more than a quick protein bar and some chewing gum on the way. Which means that the second Dazai moves, he's awake.

It's a shame, because he'd actually been really comfortable.]

Don't move.

[He's also trying to reorient himself a little, get his brain to catch up with the fact that yes, he does have his ex-partner (current enemy) in bed with him. But Mom Mode kicks in before his brain does, so he's holding Dazai still, knowing that moving too much is going to make his head hurt like hell.

But now they have a problem.

Because Dazai already took all of the pain killers he had.]

You deserve this.

[He says, while trying to get over the fact that Dazai is nearly naked and on top of him.]

What a cruel thing to say.

[He's not actually denying it, though. Even without thinking ahead as far as the painkillers, Dazai did bring this on himself - or, rather: he took a calculated risk.

That blow to his head was a finishing touch he hadn't anticipated, though. He can't say he approves. Injuries are fine, but when pain starts interfering with clear thinking, it becomes both a liability and just plain frustrating. It's funny, really: most other pain tends to sharpen his brain if anything.

The last thing Dazai wants is to listen to Chuuya, but there's no way he could put up a struggle at this point, even if he wanted to: Chuuya has the advantage in this position, and they're not evenly matched to start with. Besides, Dazai really doesn't want to throw up from headache overload...]

Do I also deserve coffee?

[He doesn't want to move. He doesn't especially want Chuuya to move. But he may as well try to take advantage of his private nurse while he has him.]

[Chuuya doesn’t want to move, either. He wants to hold onto Dazai for this moment, while he has him. He’s also worried that the second he gets up, Dazai is going to do something else to nearly get himself killed.

But this isn’t about what Chuuya wants. It’s about doing his job - about taking care of him, since he decided to bring him home. He sighs. ]

Can you eat anything?

[He’s thinking - maybe plain rice? But he might need to get some painkillers in him first, or he’ll just throw up. But that’s a problem, with the nearest pharmacy ten minutes away.

He’ll have to pay someone to deliver, but Dazai might not let him.]

I’ll make us coffee.

[He’ll get up in a second.]

I could, but I can't say I have an appetite.

[He should definitely eat, especially considering his injuries that all need energy and building blocks to stitch themselves back together. He's not especially hungry, though. The headache probably accounts for that - plus he's never had the most healthy hunger sensation.

He also feels worn out enough that he probably won't try anything funny - but then, who knows? It's Dazai, after all, and opportunities exist to be taken advantage of.

Maybe when he's feeling a little better, though.]

... You're not moving.

[Neither is Dazai. Dazai doesn't even want Chuuya to move all that much, but then, coffee sure sounds good...

The struggle, it is real. For now, Dazai continues to be floppy and vaguely clingy on top of Chuuya.]

You're heavy.

[No one believes that Chuuya isn't strong enough to push Dazai off of him, so that's a terrible excuse. It really is a dilemma, though. He's comfortable, Dazai is comfortable, and he doesn't want to let him out of his sight if he can help it.

And maybe he shouldn't take advantage of this, but he can't really resist, either. So that's it.

He reached for his nightstand, and tries not to jolt Dazai too much at the same time. It probably wasn't safe to leave his phone there, but - Dazai probably wouldn't be up to hacking into it and doing something to it, or digging through Chuuya's files. Maybe. Anyway, that's always a risk.

And the thing about being an executive is: You start to figure out how much you can actually get away with. He calls up a coffee shop (they don't do delivery), and says that if they bring two coffees, a few sandwiches, some plain rice onigiri, and some painkillers, he will absolutely make it worth their while. Most of these things are not something they actually sell, but they shouldn't be busy at this time, they have time to pick it all up.

And look, Dazai, he didn't get one of his subordinates to do it. Your privacy is safe. Although that does mean the painkillers won't be prescription strength.]

They'll get here soon. I'll make sure no one knows you're here while you're weak.

You're not one to talk, Chuuya.

[Who exactly is the heavy one here, hmm? Even disregarding abilities, if you count by centimeter, Chuuya is much heavier. (Too much muscle. It's honestly rude.)

Well, well... Chuuya has gotten a little smarter, after all. Dazai would appreciate the gesture, if he wasn't having a pretty good time being flopped down on top of Chuuya. If one ignores the pain, of course.

Really, he can only smile at that comment.]

That is appreciated.

[His tone suggests the words may be sarcastic; the truth might be that he just doesn't care. There are very few people he minds seeing him like this, because most people are honestly no match for him, and the others will just overestimate their ability to take advantage of his (temporary and largely physical) weakness.]

Hng, I don't want to moooooove...

[He doesn't technically have to, but since Chuuya has to, Dazai will have to as well. And maybe exaggerated whining is just a nice way to let out his frustration at the pain and what not.]

You're the one who's on top.

[You could gain muscle, too, Dazai! All you'd have to do would be to exercise regularly. Or at least semi-regularly. Or at all. And pulling yourself out of unfortunate situations doesn't count.

Chuuya ignores the sarcasm, for once. He has a feeling Dazai wouldn't be very happy if someone found out he was there, and spread the word to Mori.

And Chuuya also selfishly wants to keep his ex-partner to himself. He can feel guilty about that later.]

I'm not making you move. Stop whining.

[To be fair, Dazai has a good reason to whine. But the two of them are never fair with each other.

Chuuya slides his hand up to gently rub the base of Dazai's skull, below where he wrapped the bandages.]

This is what you get for not saving any painkillers for later.

[Exercise?! That's way too much effort. Besides, Dazai likes to save his energy for when he needs it. It's done well enough for him so far, whereas the exhaustion and braindeath from exercise might literally get him killed. Painfully.

No, he'd much rather stay the way he is, thanks.]

You'll make me move when you have to get the door, right?

[Just saying, Chuu. Unlike you, Dazai actually thinks ahead more than ten seconds.

The rubbing is kind of nice, though. Actually, it's really nice, and Dazai finds himself humming a bit, almost like a purring cat. He probably shouldn't let himself, but... at this point, what damage could it do?]

Since it resulted in coffee being delivered, it was clearly the right choice.

[Not really, but he has no regrets, coffee or no coffee. Apart from the headache, this isn't altogether terrible - and even painkillers only do so much.]

I'll let you stay in bed, though.

[It's a rare offer! Chuuya usually doesn't allow food or drink in his bed. But he'll have to wash the sheets after this anyway - Dazai got blood on them, for one. But more importantly, Chuuya will have to get the smell of him out of his pillows.

That's not a reminder he'll appreciate after his ex-partner leaves.]

I would have made you coffee anyway. But you seem to like making things worse.

[Just worse in general. For Dazai, for everyone around Dazai, and especially for Chuuya. Although there's not much venom in it right now. He's comfortable. And he's keeping up the massage, since it seems to be helping.]

[Bless our miniature overlord Chuuya and his benevolence!! Dazai hadn't really planned to leave that bed regardless, however. Not until he can literally walk away.]

It's more interesting this way, don't you think?

[Dazai may not agree with that sentiment himself, exactly, but... it's good enough. Besides, he got to pull one over on Chuuya, and he got to see some unexpectedly unexpected moves from Chuuya, if only in the details.

They're really getting older, aren't they? Changing. Dazai kind of hates it, even if he hates predictability more.]

[Bow down before your overlord. Respect and fear him! ]

At least I get to see you suffer. That's always a plus.

[Thats what happens when you disappear for four years, Dazai. People change. Chuuya isn't too happy about that, either, since every little difference is a reminder of what they don't have.

But a lot of things have stayed the same, too. Like Chuuya's inability to stop mom-ing people, asshole ex-partners included. And the way that Dazai sometimes clings even as he's trying to push him away.]

If you try to overdose on the pills this time, I'm kicking you out.

[Nononononononononononononononono HAT MAN~

A reminder of what they don't have... Maybe that is the problem, at that. Dazai wouldn't put it that way, because he'd claim never having had that elusive something in the first place - which is partly true, but mostly a matter of attitude. Even Dazai can't deny the power of nostalgia, and the way it makes people dumb.

Maybe that's why he hates it: he doesn't want to admit how everything halfway decent ends up looking like diamonds in retrospect, because that means admitting that the precious moments in those boring days weren't real - or at least that he looks back on them with rose-tinted glasses.]

"Always"... Don't act like it happens that often, Chuuya!

[It... kind of does, though......]

I won't. If it's something a coffee shop can pick up, it's not going to be strong enough anyway, right? I'd just give myself heartburn.

[Chuuya wouldn't want to admit it, either, but they definitely had something before. It was complicated, a mess, frustrating on the best of days.... but still something.

They'd never been equals in the Organization. They'd never been allowed to be, with the way they'd been pitted against each other as rivals from the start. Dazai has been used to push Chuuya further, and then that had been used to get Dazai off his lazy ass. But they'd also been partners. They trusted each other. And they understood the positions they were both in, if nothing else.

At least that's what Chuuya had thought, then, before Dazai abandoned him without a word. And they definitely had nothing like that now. ]

It happens almost daily. It's the only reason I've ever been willing to put up with you.

[Speaking of: There's the doorbell. Chuuya gently tries to move Dazai down onto the bed, to free himself from the weight of him. Then he disappears to go pock up the coffee, food, and pills. ]

[They definitely had something before; they definitely have something, still. But their rivalry largely lacks the benign, motivational aspects that made it great, now that they're in actual rival organizations. That leaves only the personal connection of their "something" - and that's not something Dazai has ever been any good at. Not that he doesn't wonder, sometimes, what could have been - but what's the point? It wouldn't last.

He tried to get Chuuya to his side, once, with a simple little test of morality. Dazai knows all the ways in which Chuuya is a good person, as well as all the ways in which he's a bad person. Dazai knows he's almost certainly much worse, himself - going by society's norms, anyway - so it really boiled down to whether Chuuya was ready to make the choice to do things like "the side that saves people".

Of course he didn't. And that was that.]

You have some disturbing hobbies, Chuuya...

[And people call Dazai cruel! Honestly!

Dazai grunts in protest (he'd claim it was pain), but only clings to Chuuya for a split second. Ugh... It's time to join the world of the living again. While Chuuya is away, Dazai pushes himself up and turns around so he can sit against the headboard. It hurts, sure - but that's just more reason not to let Chuuya see!

If Chuuya stays away for a really long time, Dazai will try to check out his phone, but honestly? He probably won't have that kind of time just yet. Maybe later. ]

[Thinking about what he once thought they could have had is painful, and Chuuya doesn't deal well with that. Anger is much easier. That, and ignoring it, pretending he doesn't care when he absolutely does.

And then finally exploding, violently.

Currently he's ignoring it, made harder by the fact that Dazai is here, and close, and acting like he doesn't hate him. But he's focusing on other things instead. He's only gone for a couple of minutes, returning once he's paid the delivery person generously, handing Dazai a new pack of pills, with the theory that if he doesn't try to hide them from him, Dazai won't take it as a challenge. He sets the coffee down on the nightstand, drops the bag of food on the bed, and then disappears again with the bucket to clean it out.

He brings it back again, though. Just in case eating triggers more vomiting.]

Start with the onigiri, in case your stomach can't handle it.

[As if Dazai ever listens to anyone. Chuuya gets back into bed, sitting next to him, close but not touching.]

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